Sunday, February 15, 2009

Curses Are For Losers, Not For Newborns

Since none of the editors here at IB18 have children of their own, it’s hard to make any sort of commentary regarding the reasoning behind naming a child.

A suburban Plainfield, Illinois couple decided to name their newborn child Addison, which for all intents and purposes, is a nice name. However, when your last name is Clark and you’re a Cubs fan to boot, you flirt with retardation and loser-dom.

Brian and Lauren Clark thought it would be a novel idea to name their newborn daughter, Addison N. Clark, thus proving their loyalty to the most futile sports franchise in U.S. history. IB18 editors won’t wish anything bad upon young Addison; her parents have already cursed her with the moniker of a street corner.

Brian, Lauren, nobody doubts that either one of you are rabid Cub fans and we won’t question your loyalty, but you might as well name your kid B.J. and put a stripper pole in the nursery. You’re no more creative or smarter than rest of the sheep that put a positive mystique upon losing and keep going to the crumbling beer garden known as Wrigley Field.

May Addison grow up to be a White Sox fan and change her name to 35th & Shields.

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